Everydays with Gabbie

The Psych Ward

The Psych Ward
The Schiz, The Melancholic, The MR, The Exhibitionist, Plainly Gab

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

why continue medicine?

i am on duty, it's already 4:30AM, i've got nothing to do and i am still up. when a few days back i did not report for duty because all i wanted was to sleep. there are times, if not most of the time, i feel like i have lost my motivation to continue. to pursue this path that i have chosen. when i  first thought of taking up medicine, i just looked at what was on top. i just looked at the trophy, although i looked at the ladder and saw that it was long, what i didn't notice was it was unstable, there were nails sticking out, it was even slippery. i am now halfway to the top but i feel like climbing the ladder seems to be heavier each time i take a step up. i've just lost all contacts with chico, who i can say is more than just my inspiration. so i sometimes think to myself, why should i keep on going? i am still here now when a few days back, i was contemplating on going on LOA. but i am here, with hope, with enthusiasm, with motivation...but for how long again? it feels like walking in a desert...one time you grow tired and dehydrated...you take sips of water and feel energetic to walk on...but later on you feel the same thing again. now what are my "sips of water" in this path that i have chosen:

- my future Ducati. yes sometimes i feel that Doc Gab Casuga, future pedia neuro or Onco, or Lawyer-Doctor, or what..can gift himself with material things. just like a child whom you ask to clean his room and you will give him yellow rice just after. sometimes it is ok to think of material rewards . at least diba

- the barrios - this is one thing that has kept me going, after the board exams next year, i will be deployed to far flung barrios who haven't seen a doctor in at least 2 years. i will be there to immerse with them and be their doctor. the thought of this makes me live the day, learn cases, read (kahit papaano), for what i always put in mind...what if i encounter such patient in the barrios, what would i do?

-Dr. Cuanang - not to have bushy eyebrows, but to be someone people can respect, look up to. (He's the example i am mentioning now since as of press time i am under his service. and i can proudly say he is good and im learning a lot from him. things i can read in the book but what i have learned more from him are those things we do not study in medical school). sometimes i want to think i want to be like them: Drs. Cuanang, Poblete, Minee Reyes, Atienza, Doctor, de Guzman, and etc.

-House MD - my favorite show. until now i still don't know what specialization to take (will post another blog for this). but i want to be like him, to be able to handle different cases, to be all specialties in one. it is mind boggling, it is a burden, it is meant for medical geniuses, but i want to be one. i want to play investigator.

what i have listed here are shallow reasons to keep me going. But God is my deepest reason why i should continue. in one of our conversations, i told him i want to meet Him already since i find no purpose here. He answered back, it is not through death that i will get to Him. my purpose here in life is to find Him, and He must've guided me into the right path. who knows where i may find Him. internship? the barrios? residency? meeting my loved one?

My family and friends, though i am not visible all the time. i know they can come to me when they feel sick...the feeling of being lifeless..and that's where i come in, to bring out the vitality in them (Karl, if you're reading this...remember when we almost paid 4K just to know you have Muscle spasms?) hahaha :))

My chico...papa's here for you no matter what. my wish right now is for me to be strong, to fight for you. i don't know what's best for you, if what's best for you is to let you grow with the family you will learn to know as you grow. but now, all i know what's best for both of us is to read that Goldilocks and the three bears book...the Papa Gab and Chico version where goldilocks isn't walking in the woods but driving a red ferrari.

My future patients, i have studied medicine in a mediocre way, i admit that. for the reason that it isn't the books whom i will be friends with for the rest of my practice. but it is through you wherein i get to learn to heal. to bring out the vitality in all of you who feel lifeless.

and so be it! to Medicine and beyond! alea jacta est! and it will be veni, vidi, vici for me!

39 comments:

雪糕 said...

When everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane.............................................

花花蝴蝶 said...

成功是一把梯子,雙手插在口袋裡是爬不上去的。........................................

惠蘋惠蘋 said...

行動養成習慣,習慣培養人格,人格影響命運..............................

黎仁南 said...

困難的背後,隱藏著通往成功的階梯 ....................................................

逸凡逸凡 said...

教育的目的,不在應該思考什麼,而是教吾人怎樣思考......................................................

俊琴 said...

thx rfor you sharing~~learn it by heart ........................................

凱倩 said...

Very good stories~~ Thanks for ur sharing~~!! ........................................

怡妹 said...

thx rfor you sharing~~learn it by heart ........................................

宥妃 said...

how do u do?

IrmaOrbison said...

I love readding, and thanks for your artical. ........................................

伯函 said...

欣賞是一種美德~回應是最大的支持^^

韋于倫成 said...

來幫推 你個blog影d相真係好靚,係我至愛~ ........................................

雅婷 said...

脾氣與嘴巴不好,就算心地再好,也不算好人~~~ ....................................................

Jeffre鳳珠yM_Mc鳳珠glo said...

your son/daughter is so cute............................................................

estherme said...

連接生與死這兩塊陸地的橋樑是愛…… ..................................................

MinB2139 said...

喜歡這裡-支持你的更新..................................................

千TatianaCallan惠 said...

要持續更新下去喲!!祝你心情愉快.............................................................

文群文群 said...

累死了…來去看看文章轉換心情~.................................................................                           

家賢 said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。.................................................................

王名仁 said...

當一個人內心能容納兩樣相互衝突的東西,這個人便開始變得有價值了。............................................................

志其志其 said...

Nothing comes from nothing.............................................................

云依恩HFH謝鄭JTR安 said...

你的分享很不錯.. 謝謝 ..................................................................

江冠彭珮李佳宏陽筠 said...

在你一無所有的時候 是誰在陪伴你 他便是你最重要的人............................................................

奕廷 said...

感謝你的分享 要繼續發表好文章喔..................................................................

添d卉王賴uou珮甄賴賴 said...

未來屬於那些相信他們美好夢想的人。.......................................................

祐音祐音 said...

缺少智慧,就是缺少一切.......................................................

dawsonfelicia張君dawsonfelicia均 said...

做些小善事,說些愛的字句,世界更快樂。.......................................................

王美妹 said...

希望我的支持可以帶給你快樂--加油...................................................................

陳佑發 said...

獲益不少,謝謝分享!............................................................

RicoLisi0802志竹 said...

雖然不能常常來看,仍然祝你人氣百分百 ............................................................

嘉王偉 said...

良言一句三冬暖,惡語傷人六月寒。......................................................................

陳秀顏清鴻湖 said...

我又來看你囉~加油^^ 祝你天天順利開心..................................................................

建邱勳 said...

想要推動天下,先要發動自己。............................................................

家唐銘 said...

良言一句三冬暖,惡語傷人六月寒。......................................................................

麗王王珠 said...

blog有留言互動才好玩~~希望留言能支持您的更新動力!!!..................................................................

佳張張張張燕張張張張張 said...

人不能像動物一樣活著,而應該追求知識和美德............................................................

陳欣陳玟珮陳玟珮琦 said...

你的分享很不錯.. 謝謝 ..................................................

1615 said...

你的部落格不錯哦,我來享受一下~~..................................................................

黃英吳思潔吳思潔邦 said...

婚姻對男人來說是賭他的自由,對女人而言卻是賭她的幸福。.................................................................