Everydays with Gabbie

The Psych Ward

The Psych Ward
The Schiz, The Melancholic, The MR, The Exhibitionist, Plainly Gab

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

why continue medicine?

i am on duty, it's already 4:30AM, i've got nothing to do and i am still up. when a few days back i did not report for duty because all i wanted was to sleep. there are times, if not most of the time, i feel like i have lost my motivation to continue. to pursue this path that i have chosen. when i  first thought of taking up medicine, i just looked at what was on top. i just looked at the trophy, although i looked at the ladder and saw that it was long, what i didn't notice was it was unstable, there were nails sticking out, it was even slippery. i am now halfway to the top but i feel like climbing the ladder seems to be heavier each time i take a step up. i've just lost all contacts with chico, who i can say is more than just my inspiration. so i sometimes think to myself, why should i keep on going? i am still here now when a few days back, i was contemplating on going on LOA. but i am here, with hope, with enthusiasm, with motivation...but for how long again? it feels like walking in a desert...one time you grow tired and dehydrated...you take sips of water and feel energetic to walk on...but later on you feel the same thing again. now what are my "sips of water" in this path that i have chosen:

- my future Ducati. yes sometimes i feel that Doc Gab Casuga, future pedia neuro or Onco, or Lawyer-Doctor, or what..can gift himself with material things. just like a child whom you ask to clean his room and you will give him yellow rice just after. sometimes it is ok to think of material rewards . at least diba

- the barrios - this is one thing that has kept me going, after the board exams next year, i will be deployed to far flung barrios who haven't seen a doctor in at least 2 years. i will be there to immerse with them and be their doctor. the thought of this makes me live the day, learn cases, read (kahit papaano), for what i always put in mind...what if i encounter such patient in the barrios, what would i do?

-Dr. Cuanang - not to have bushy eyebrows, but to be someone people can respect, look up to. (He's the example i am mentioning now since as of press time i am under his service. and i can proudly say he is good and im learning a lot from him. things i can read in the book but what i have learned more from him are those things we do not study in medical school). sometimes i want to think i want to be like them: Drs. Cuanang, Poblete, Minee Reyes, Atienza, Doctor, de Guzman, and etc.

-House MD - my favorite show. until now i still don't know what specialization to take (will post another blog for this). but i want to be like him, to be able to handle different cases, to be all specialties in one. it is mind boggling, it is a burden, it is meant for medical geniuses, but i want to be one. i want to play investigator.

what i have listed here are shallow reasons to keep me going. But God is my deepest reason why i should continue. in one of our conversations, i told him i want to meet Him already since i find no purpose here. He answered back, it is not through death that i will get to Him. my purpose here in life is to find Him, and He must've guided me into the right path. who knows where i may find Him. internship? the barrios? residency? meeting my loved one?

My family and friends, though i am not visible all the time. i know they can come to me when they feel sick...the feeling of being lifeless..and that's where i come in, to bring out the vitality in them (Karl, if you're reading this...remember when we almost paid 4K just to know you have Muscle spasms?) hahaha :))

My chico...papa's here for you no matter what. my wish right now is for me to be strong, to fight for you. i don't know what's best for you, if what's best for you is to let you grow with the family you will learn to know as you grow. but now, all i know what's best for both of us is to read that Goldilocks and the three bears book...the Papa Gab and Chico version where goldilocks isn't walking in the woods but driving a red ferrari.

My future patients, i have studied medicine in a mediocre way, i admit that. for the reason that it isn't the books whom i will be friends with for the rest of my practice. but it is through you wherein i get to learn to heal. to bring out the vitality in all of you who feel lifeless.

and so be it! to Medicine and beyond! alea jacta est! and it will be veni, vidi, vici for me!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Party People!

i'm baaack! been a long time since! subukan natin ulit magblog! i've never been so keen on keeping a diary. pero mukhang masaya magexpress ng thoughts through blog. my first post in a long time would be about what happened to me last night.

i joined my plm friends at the fort last night. i've never been a party boy. there are several types of bars that i have known. one is to go where you can sit down, drink and chat with friends. another is the noisy, get wild, do your thing bar. it was the latter where i went to last night. and this is my observation regarding the people who go there:

from my perspective, there are two types of girls who go to the bars. and from the show how i met your mother they are the Woo girls...wooooooohhhh!!!! hahaha nothing to discriminate but im just pointing out the purpose of such bars. one type is the one who got off a break up, or who's gotten into a big fight with the BF, or any related stuffs. and the other one are those who wants to be looked upon by guys. i wonder why the need to overdress? last night i wore a long sleeved polo and folded up the sleeves, maong pants, and sneakers...and i was thinking to myself that i must've overdressed and that i should've worn a polo shirt na lang sana. but when i arrived at my friends' place....vavavooom! they're hot! hahahaha if only people get to dress like that even not for bars then i would love to have walks everyday hehehe but i wonder, just wondering :)

to the boys: there are also two types, one who goes there and make pa-pogi. and the other types are those being dragged by their friends. am i more on the latter? hahahaha but in conclusion the bars would be fun if you go there with your barkada, your circle of friends, unwind, drink, dance among yourselves. that would be fun! i just have no comment on the going to bars to meet someone...i say people are not their actual person when going to the bar. the happiness i observed is not really happiness but trying to be happy and not long lasting. this i say from what i have observed and i have noticed even in myself. for the sake of being happy? must be something about the place? the music? the setting? i dunno. people get hyped when their other friends start getting hyped but one by one they also get tired. i envision a type of bar wherein from the start til you drop everybody is happeeee! :)

Party People!!!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

A Lazy Student’s Study Guide

Yep, that’s me. I had always been that lazy student ever since I stopped receiving honors back in grade four. But still, I was able to go a long way reaching up to now…a medical clerk…a.k.a. 4th year medical student, 14 years of mediocre types of studying: cramming, late or no home works, absences, tardiness, just exactly passing grades (75 to 85). But how was I able to reach this level? No it wasn’t through an IQ of 132; no it wasn’t through cheating/kodigo(honestly…... 1% of all exams I may have cheated {sabi ko nga I’m lazy diba? I only cheat when I’m lazy to answer hahaha}); no it wasn’t even through giving fundadors to teachers; and NO…it wasn’t always through studying, staying up all night just to read the book…no, you would not always learn if it was only that. At least that was the way I see it. So all student who practice learning by the “standard” method find another article to read.ϋ but for the many who feels “inferior” as to their intellectual capabilities, to the sloths, and those who want to make their educational life “easier” and smoother read along at your own risk.

Yes you may find my way of studying (especially during college and eventually I brought it until medical school) very unorthodox but it worked for me even now that I am in med school. June of 2005 when I told myself “magbabago na ako…I want to be serious now in my studies…my study habit back in college won’t work in med school..” or so I thought…but mediocrity and laziness was already in my system…but if it weren’t for being lazy…then I would just be in a call center now earning big bucks. Whaaaat?!?! How’s that possible? Passing med school by being lazy?
Let me answer that in a form of a metaphor…why do you think the wheel was invented? Why do you think they invented computers? Calculators? And why do you think even until man would always search for ways to make life easier? Exactly! “The laziness of the hand brings out the creativity of the mind for the hand to do its work…” (wow…pag namatay ako I quoted this ha…walang footnote yan so ako tlga gumawa ng quote na yan ha. Hehe)
So you’re wondering ano nga baa ng gusting iparating ng author na ito? Kala ko ba study guide so saan na ang step-by-step guide? Sorry…tinatamad kong gawin eh. Hehe but I will give you a bird’s eye view…but this is according to my specifications. There is no such thing as a universal guide…you yourself would devise your own guide. So here’s how I studied during my three years (hnd ito lahat):

· It is in our psychological system that something new is always exciting and happy. That was how I saw my first year in med school. I was so excited and I was really enjoying (plus the fact that I feel my esteem boosted up tipong “uy doctor!”) so eto ung time na todo aral talaga because I myself had a real thirst for knowledge of the medical world…but eventually nagdecline ung rate like a one way curve sloping to the right…nawala na excitement ko, nawala na enthusiasm ko to read and read. But I was lucky…first year of medical school focused on the basics so now I am rich with the basic knowledge for medicine

· Apply the basics. Let’s put it this way, say you already completed algebra 101…put the number 1 in your head. Basically it is 1, just like holding your index finger up…one. But you who finished the basic needs or the fundamentals of mathematics, 1 can mean a lot to you. 2 minus 1, 999 raised to the zero power, square root of one, x is equal to one etc…now apply this in medicine. You don’t need the book to tell you what a certain disease means and let the book explain it to you. What I do I read the first few paragraph then sleep…true! But while trying to sleep I let my mind revolve around that particular thought…then my mistakes I just have it corrected by looking at the book because at least after then I would know what I am lacking. Complicated ba? Yes it is but it really stimulates your mind. Which brings to….

· You need not read the book from cover to cover (for me ha..in case you who have read harrisons cover to cover is still reading this) you’ll just strain your brain. Pick out only the keypoints and by applying what I have said previously let your thoughts revolve around that keypoint applying your basic knowledge…saka na ung pang expert level and that goes to….

· APPLY what you have learned. Righteous!!! It’s like you put a command into the computer then the computer commands a robot what to do…now from then on the robot wouold keep on doing what the computer had told him to do!

the idle nook

· Tinatamad na talaga ako magtuloy kaya parting words na kaya…believe in yourself! Matalino tayo lahat! Iba lang ang kultura natin (matalino ka kasi honor student ka…exactly no!) if we were all dumb then we would be using the walls to wipe our asses (quoting morrie Schwartz) remember what your mama used to tell you when you were young…you are unique. Yes we are really unique in our own ways. So gab, that was how we passed three years of medical school isn’t it precioussssss?ϋ
***definition of terms according to Gabster Dictionary: mediocre – inferior not in terms of intelligence but diligence…if only the educational society were “student friendly”….haaay sana I lived during the times of Plato, Socrates, Archimedes, Hippocrates, then education would really be fun…but that’s another story.

Buti pa anak ko nagaaral.......

Sunday, March 30, 2008

The Shoe Box

I've change the title "Blog Archive" into "blog shoe box" which reminded me of one of the kalokohans of the karibs (my high school barkada) it was during the time of the Edsa dos heat wherein President Estrada was on the verge of resigning and mass rallies were held in almost all parts of the philippines. Being young and radical we decided to make a donation box and pass them around...we took a shoebox and wrote: ERAP RESIGN...fortunately we earned a stork candy wrapper...but wasn't much for the junk shop to convert to ten pesos...hehe

But what about this shoebox anyway? we've all been high school students and it was during high school (also our teen years) were we learn how to be sentimental...so i got this shoe box and thats where i put all my "senti" things which i still have up to now. lots of letters, love letters, fan mailü, all the keys to the doors of our high school building (i think those were all the spare keys...or even the main keys ata hehe), even a small stone which we chipped off from Paoay church (circa 1500's)....i dont know pero uso ang maging klepto nung high school: mcdonald's straws, the waiting number, an A&W mug, Menus, even a street sign...heheü well at least we weren't into drugs or gangs then...kaya ok na din.ü

A Medical Clerk's Starter Kit

Rodney goes: oi bili bili na kayo! oop ye mani-popcorn-carabiner-stapler-micropore-tape measure-calculatorpangpedia-penlight-torniquet-stethoscope-sphygmo kayo dyaaaan!! meron din po kaming empty coca cola bottles pang lalagyan niyo ng specimen para sa histopath!!

hehe haaay ang clerkship sa OM nga naman. so have you gone camping? diba before you go camping you get to have a checklist of what to bring, tent, sleeping bags, pork and beans, flashlight, playboy, etc...same thing for clerkship but this time no one's going to a boy scout camping but to a training camp apart from those mentioned by the vendor kanina here's what you will really need for clerkship (from my point of view ha as an incoming clerk and from what i also hear)

1. your brain...but you have to condition it. you have to melt those fatty acids (have u eaten pinapaitan or bulalo? diba pag iniwan mo nagsesebo siya...same thing with our brain, if it goes stagnant tipong nagsesebo utak natin). Right after finals what do you think everybody did? syempre vacation to the max forgetting all the worries of clerkship, tama nga naman we all need that if not then in just a snap (tipong nasigawan ka lng ng residente eh bigla ka na lng naging poltergeist na umikot ung ulo mo and nagsuka sa white coat ng residente)....which goes on to the next:
2. High...as in very high EQ...remember in the hospital the clerks are amoebae...the lowest form of creatures in the hospital setting. you are nobody but still keep in mind you will be someone...oxymoronic but true. its true when we arrived at medical school we felt like we were someone (uuy med student...doctor!), yes but little do our fans and future patients know of the perils we will have to go through just to become a low salary doctor...unless you establish your own belo medical group.
3. Condoms (for the ladies/ guys who have nice butts)- why so? there is a disease in the hierarchy system of which the symptoms include "power tripping." sa mga lalaki naman karamihan naman utusan or sigaw sigawan etc...but unfortunately for ladies, once natipuhan ka ng residente if he senses he wont be able to get you through the right way...there will be instances wherein he will use his power..wer..wer...that's why it wont be a new thing if you hear rumors/facts about clerks being pregnant, clerks giving the residents a "phuket massage," sad to say but this is true...thats why i tell you: know your rights as a woman/man, and review Solis' medical juris so that you may know what law protects you from all these.
4. Humility - yes you've got the brains, the high EQ, but do you have this? anecdote: isang clerk inutusan ng nurse, clerk nagsabing "anong akala niyo sa akin? doctor ako nurse ka lang"...ayun ginawa ng nurse kinalat sa co-nurses sa other departments "yang clerk na yan bantayan niyo ha"....let's just say lalo lang naghirap sa buhay clerkship. remember..the hospital isn't run by doctors alone, that's why God created florence nightingale to assist the healers. this does not apply only to nurses, pati sa staff...food staff( yup kailangan talaga ito lalo na pag gwaping ka...may pagkamalambing kasi ung food cart man ung tipong darating sa clerk's quarters "andyan ba si gab? may dala lang ako sa kanya eh isang set meal" hehe totoo yun!), guards ("sir samahan ko na kayo pumara ng jeep dyan sa harap baka mahold-up kayo dyan eh"), etc...you need them they are your friends
5. Teamwork- exactly! need i explain more? let me just tell you why this is really needed: let's say 5pm ang off mo, eh from duty ang status mo (wala ka pang tulog), gusto mo na tlga umuwi...pagdating ng 5 bigla ka na umalis. tama nga naman kasi 5pm na and ur not obliged to stay longer....pero sino ang kawawa? the one who will replace you...di mo in-endorse ung patients mo...hindi tuloy na-carry out mga orders ng doctor so sino na-demerit? ung kawawang clerk na pumalit. nakapag rest ka nga pero in return nagkaroon ka ng kaaway...life will be harder...ü

6. the list can go longer and longer until you get bored and pati ako pagod na and maglalaba pa ako ng uniform ko which brings to my last addition sa list: Lots and lots of uniforms of course you will need a change of clothes, matatalsikan ka ng dugo, susuka patients mo, tas madadapa ka pa at napaupo sa canal...haaay kawawa tlga tayo. and in addition around 20 sets of underwear (side A side B included) hahahaha...

ohh well...at least this is from my point of view...what's yours?

Episode 1: Finally at LAST!

i wonder why this is my first time to write a blog though blogging has been present for some time now. but maybe here are the factors that made me not do this kind of homework:
1. i think i'm not much of a writer
2. i dont even know what to write
3. i am the type of person who would start something but would not finish (i started a "book" once and ended up with only around three pages...sayang katapat ko na sana sila JRR Tolkien ngayon...)
4. i'm a procrastinator, like i said i'm lazy (proud to be? but tell you what writing this would serve as a therapy you know...as a constant reminder of your weaknesses)
5. mahal ang internet connection (ung 20php per hour eh pwde na un ng 5 to 8 bullets sa paintball...so tsk waste of money tlga ang internet rent...)

but anyway apart from all these i'd still do my best to make a regular post of what happens sa clerkship at the Ospital ng Maynila...a place they say, that we PLM-CM clerks would have our hearts churned to be:

  • humble doctors (yup "boy" or "neng" ka lang ng mga nurses tipong "boy pa-push nga po ng para sa pasyenteng ito
  • intellectually competent (thanks to Harry-Go-rounds, we'll learn a lot of chinese words; or to dra Flores....how to have flight of ideas)
  • MacGyvers (imagine using a 5 gallon lalagyan ng refillable water for an incubator?)
  • Businessmen (we need to...kaysa naman na ung pambili ng i.v., etc ng pasyente eh galing sa pocket namin)
  • indiscriminate (you think you could touch a taong grasa whenever one arrives at the ER?)
  • and a lot more...so i guess clerkship would be a great thing that would happen in my life, as i quote from Janina San Miguel, "my Pamily are the most important persons in my life bow thank you" eeeeyng??? ano naman connection? heheü
here's a glimpse of something you don't get to see everyday...ala-perya:
another pic (conjoined twins????):
hahaha!! nope, that's my toddler and his tito john john hehe

so here ends my first post...like one of my batchmates has said, "to clerkship and beyond!"
and i quote Caesar: "alea jacta est!"

Ospital ng Maynila: such a lovely place, such a lovely face...you can check out anytime you want but you can never leave!!!